Song Description

A comedic song about a cat I would never own

Lyrics

She likes her kippers in the morning though it makes her breath smelly
Only eats the best food from the very best deli
She lays on my lap when I'm sitting watching telly
I'm allowed to rub her ears but not to touch her belly

My cat. Don't exercise but never gets fat
My cat. Sly as a fox and sneaky as a rat
My cat. Walks around likes she's really all that
She likes to get a little stroke but don't care for a pat

Her milk has to be polyunsaturated
I shudder at the monster that I have now created
A glare that would strip lead paint right off a door
Twice a day I change her litter or she craps on the floor

My cat. Got her own chair don't care for a mat
My cat. Condescends to live here in my flat
My cat. An only child the quintessential spoiled brat
I could see her in a smoking jacket with paisley cravat

She meows and meows until she gets what she wants
Maybe they would take her in that Chinese restaurant
Sometimes I get evil and on a quiet afternoon
I pick up my sitar and play my favourite tune

And when her nine lives are up and I have to dig her grave
I gotta dig another hole close by for her slave
But when we're reborn and she thinks she is a leopard
She'll be horrified to see that I've got a German Shepherd

My cat. Sleeps and eats has a stretch and a spat
My cat. Likes to pee on my very best mat
My cat. Looks at me as if to say 'What are you looking at?'
One day, one day I'm gonna get my cricket bat ... owzat?

Anybody want a free cat?