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Hi, Warren. Many thanks for the stars on "Ride the Wave." That was a new approach for me to do something that was hard rock.
Well done sir, but to me not hard rock really...Steppenwolf would be to me hard... and others duh!
Steppenwolf? Steppenwolf??? They may have ventured into some hard rock, but they had one foot in the fluff!
Well...that's the point...
LOL! That was good! Well, guess I better check my shoes.
Thank you Pete for stars!
It's wonderful lyric. . .
Thanks Warren for the stars for, "One Night Stand"
Is this the first time you have heard it?
Warren, thanks so much for the 5-stars on my new Halloween Hotel tune. Its very much appreciated! Good luck with all of your songwriting projects
Cheers Jim, nice work bud--classically hollows eve indeed!
Well now Bob,
Thank you for reviewing True Friend even if it was an incredibly negative affair, in all respects. I'm not sure you quite understand that the point of a review is to try and assist your fellow songwriters in producing the best they can? Personally, I don't really mind whether you like the song or not, I'm long enough in the tooth not to be bothered by that. I also continuously ask for feedback from fellow Bjammers and expect both good and bad, otherwise I'm not making best use of the site.
However, if I were someone new to this business, I might not be encouraged to be told: "The lyrics are pretty trite" or "The theme is "It'll get better." That's not what someone who's depressed wants to hear." Firstly, what do they want to hear, that it's all going to get worse? And secondly, check out the cliches in That Was Your Last Second Chance by Bob Juch before you go wading in to other people's hard work and inspiration - I picked that at random by the way, there may be others?.
Reviews come with responsibility and consequences Bob. If you are only able to criticise without also providing support and encouragement to fellow Broadjam members, you are going to have a rough ride on here. It's not a question of saying everything is rosy when it isn't, it's question of being constructive, not destructive, whilst respecting the fact that none of us, including you, are hit song writers but can learn much from each other.
As for my British singing voice, that doesn't decide the genre of a song, that's in the writing, instrumentation, arrangement and production. I've managed to do very nicely in the Broadjam Country charts over the years, often being the only Brit amongst some damned good US songwriters.
I suggest we start again Bob.
Who the hell are you Bob? Are you a paying member or a plant, Robert?
Bob Bentley is a quality writer. Period. Listening to your work leads me to believe you aren't.
Warren (look me up, I look forward to a review!
Bob, two things come to mind. First, the reason Bob Bentley, Warren Hein, Shelly Lee, and others are great songwriters is because they write from the grit and stuff of life's experiences, things that you may not be comfortable with, things that matter, perhaps the joys you forgot about. Their songs are not surface, they have richness and meaning. The second thing is that they can write great melodies that are unique and memorable. They know how to write a hit. I heard some of your songs. The melodies carry through well but are somewhat monochromatic meanderings that would be okay as album cuts, but nothing I would consider a single. Perhaps you're jealous?
I have a problem with people giving platitudes to others who are in a bad way. "True Friend" hit my trigger. The music was great; I don't like the lyrics.
Since I can't comment on the song itself, here's my review of "I'm Taking Care of Me":
Since I can't add it to your song, here's my review of "I'm Taking Care of Me"
The song clearly conveys its message--taking care of oneself after a heartbreak. It's a powerful narrative of moving on and learning from the past.
The verses and the outro reinforce the central theme well. The bridge is a turning point in the story, indicating a shift in perspective.
The rhyme scheme is straightforward but could be more engaging. A slightly more complex rhyme scheme could add another layer of sophistication to the song.
Verse 1: The lines "That smile you hid behind / I thought I knew from other guys" could be more specific to evoke stronger emotions or images.
For example: "That crooked smile you always wore / I've seen it on some hearts I tore."
Verse 2: The line "I cried but those tears washed me clean" is strong but could be more poetic.
For example: "I cried, but tears became my stream."
Bridge: The imagery in the bridge is good but could be improved by being more vivid.
For example: "What a joke, you leaned for a kiss / I dodged away, you swung and missed."
Verse 3: The line "But no expensive sessions" could clarify what "sessions" means, such as therapy sessions or something else.
For example: "But no pricey therapy."
The song could benefit from a compelling instrumental or melodic bridge to accompany the lyrical bridge. This could serve as a musical metaphor for the transformation the singer is undergoing.
Use dynamic variations to emphasize emotional points. For example, a softer instrumental section during the bridge could heighten the drama.
Varying the vocal delivery between verses could add interest. Maybe the first verse is soft and reflective, the second is angrier, and the third is confident and optimistic.
The outro repetition of "I'm taking care of me" is empowering but could become even more impactful with a background chorus or vocal harmony to underline the sentiment.
John Walradt, if you read my bio, you will see I'm a poet turned songwriter. The lyrics are the most important thing to me. I tell stories.
I was a decent musician, but my hands are too crippled now. I tell the musicians what chords I want and give them performance notes, but the rest is up to them. Some of the songs I uploaded are the first ones I created. Three of the subsequent ones are currently in multiple Top Ten lists here. There's no jealousy going on.
You say, "They write from the grit and stuff of life's experiences, things that you may not be comfortable with, things that matter." If you listened to my songs, you would have seen that's exactly what I do, even though I use a female singer.
I've been writing poetry literally since 4th grade. My songs are a total picture, similar to each of our lives. Your lyrical suggestions are frankly awkward and do nothing to improve the song, which again is a painting of an entire story. One either likes the "pictures" painted or not. But like a well crafted song or "painting", one can't rewrite or paint over a well crafted work.
But I appreciate you listening, I have many more. I'm anxious to hear your thoughts.
I invest in fine art that I wouldn't ever hang on the walls of my house.
De gustibus non est disputandum.
Well that's all sorted then.
You haven't read my comment Bob. I don't expect platitudes and I don't really care whether you like my song, or not. What I do care about is people who are seemingly unable to be encouraging and constructive.
BTW, if you liked the music you might just have found something more positive to say than "The mix is good"?
I'm grateful to my friends for rallying around but I fear we're all wasting our time.
Being a melody person, not a poet but a storyteller, I'd have to say that words and music work together to create and express the emotional content of a song that gives it a deeper human meaning. Aside from all else, I'm honestly sorry of the condition of your hands. I wish that age didn't come with maladies and deteriorations. But the creative spirit in us won't be stopped! I do agree with Bob Bentley on what we are here for at Broadjam. With that I'll stop here. Best to you.
I just uploaded three new songs. Please check them out.
Hey Nate! Hope all is well. Great build on the pinch of love tune sir, dig it !
Thank you sir!
you're welcome Sincerely Bob Mau
Hey Arden, thanks for the kind review of Dirty Mama--my ONLY blues tune written, not me singing, but I appreciate your words...don't think it's my niche however...LOL.
Stay safe buddy,
Yea was definitely thinking it was someone else so my bad for that lol. Still great song!
Many thanks for the stars and comments for Remember Last Summer.
Hey Warren thanks so much for the listen and the stars for "Empty Bottle" Always appreciate you're input. Scott
Hey Steve thanks much for the perfect scores on Can You Hear Me (vocal ballad)...greatly appreciated as always...
Hey Randall! Thanks for the stars on No Love Lost...really appreciated!
Hey, Scott. Thank you for a terrific review of "You're the Hole in My Doughnut if You Leave." I like the bluegrass idea. I can easily play with that one in my Band in a Box. I may do that this afternoon. It really lifts my spirits to get a good review like this. John
Hey John it's such a fun song and I really think the Blue Grass thing would work so perfectly. I can hear the Banjos and fiddles really working on this one. haha Still trying to review "Just Another Weekend" I'll get there but have to wade through everyone else. Great work my friend.
Hey, Scott. Thank you so much for scouting around for "Just Another Weekend." I've just been playing with my Doughnut song and I have a banjo, guitar, bass, plucked fiddle, mandolin, and washboard in there. Great idea you have on that! That may change the whole landscape of the song and make it a heck of a lot of fun!
Hey John I really think it will make that song fly high my friend. I can't wait to hear what you have done with it.
hey John (and Scott), Scott is on to something there, I can hear it as bluegrass!! Nice call Ravenman!
And guess what, my friends, I've got 16 tracks in there of guitars, banjos, mandolins, washboards, violins, etc., to listen to and choose from. I'll narrow it down to about six, but I'm listening closely to hear what will really get it across. Also, getting my Democrat themed "Ride the Wave" refined. I have a lot of tracks to sound like Twisted Sister in there to choose from, and rewriting a few words. More later. I'll send the words over in an email. I'd like to get as much punch in there as I can. Universal enough for lots of listeners to get them going but entirely intended to piss off the Republicans, too! :-)
Thanks much Scott for your stellar review of Holy Road, yeah I'm proud of that one...
Cheers to you!
Absolutely beautiful and thought provoking. Love it.
"Holy Road" is an excellent song, very well written and pertinent to what's going on these days!
...and thanks much Shelly for the stars!
"No Love Lost" is one of those rare songs that launches right into a very pretty and memorable first verse like "How Deep is Your Love" and "Blowing in the Wind" does. It's more an AAA styled song like "Blowing in the Wind" with a tiny chorus, so to speak, and it works beautifully. Really nice job of songwriting! You continue to be very much the true minstrel, the poet who knows how to put elegant stories from an every person point of view to carefully constructed melodies.
Heck just saw this, thanks again John!
Hello, thanks for your review of You Built Another Ghost, and frankly, I've never received the equivalent of a D on any of my songs that I can remember. However you are entitled to your opinion, and I respect your right to it...
Have a good life.
I would never give a D on purpose. Those blue stars are so sensitive. Noticed they would go up and down with barely touching that area.
Think your songs are great
"No Illustrated Man" Bravo my friend. Most excellent song. 5 Stars for sure. Very well done.
Hi, Warren. How dare you THINK when you do a review! Hahaha! Just kidding, my friend! Just about every review I get has one aimless sentence with scores that are all over the map without explanation. It's refreshing to come across someone I can tell puts interest, consideration, and thought into a review with good solid comments. I'm much appreciative of that, and, of course, appreciative of you! I'm really interested in who you would consider a good vocalist with the power and expression you're thinking of, or an artist from the 60s through 80s we knew of who would have been a good fit. Excellent thought processes and careful consideration, buddy! John
Well done Art and Margie! The Way I Used To Be is a damn good tune...and Arthur, your production is top notch as well as Margie's lyrics...
Hey Warren thanks so much for the stars on "Werewolves" my first punk rock song. haha I had a lot of fun in creating it. Love your new one "Let's Dance (We Need It)" really great stuff 5 stars for sure. All the best. Scott
Thanks much my friend for the nod on Let's Dance (We Need It) the shortened vocal version, much appreciated that SOMEONE is listening! Thank you again, all the best!
Someone's got to keep an eye on you!
I like your new departure into EDM, it works fine. Not my forte for comments or suggestions, but I enjoyed it. Good luck with the song.
Warren! That is a really nice song! Our vets never get the gratitude they so deserve! Thanks for this one! catnip=+=
Hey John thanks much for the stars on my instrumental version/edit and the shorter vocal version of Let's Dance (We Need It).
Thanks again for the perfect marks and remarks on the Dirty Mama/Daddy duet, much appreciated sir!
Thanks much for your words on your review of No More Worries 'bout Me, an old collab that I was given the chords to from the piano player, and wrote the melody and lyrics. Your improvement comments are probably spot on, however I didn't mix it (the piano player did) and the singer I hired was a session singer in N-ville (maybe still, but it's at least 10 years ago...) and the piano player did the mixing, etc. I don't do many collabs, and I originally sung this myself, you may find it on my page as "writer's vocal"...too breathy for sure, so I hired this gent...anyway my guess when visiting your page is you are quite successful and a very good music engineer, and may actually be another type of engineer? Your suggestions are good ones, quite technical in nature, out of my creativity league for sure. I appreciate your review and wish you continued success, and wonder why you're here on Bjam? Most with the technical skills I hear on the pieces I listened to of yours are superb, though on several of the pieces that may have been written per request, I hear a lack of originality...of course on several it is just the opposite! Anyway, nice to meet you, if you have time visit my page and let me know if you like any of the other songs with lyrics.
All the best,
P.S. Thanks for the 5* Warren.
Hi Warren. Thank you for your comments re. 'Big Fat Lie'. I tried to reply to your comment on the thread but the internet was sticky. 'On tenterhooks' means in a state of suspense. Thanks again.
Dark Synth Mysterious--indeed aptly named and very very cool sir! If Bjam placed songs, this would be a great candidate! Kudos! Keep up the great work.
Hey David, I dig your Big Fat Lie, like the retro vibe and the lyrics quite right, though I don't know what tenderhooks are, but hell, I'm a Californian, my bad LOL...
Kudos to you,