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Hi Roy ,I wanted to email you but couldn't work out how to do that so thought Id leave a comment here! I just had a question about the review system and one of my songs! I submitted 5 songs to opportunity FTJ2E002...Sad,Emotional,somber songs! All of my songs scored badly on this opportunity especially my song IF I STAY..this song was written from a book,IF I Stay ( Gayle Forman) and the synopsis almosts parody's the submission synopsis...It's not so much the score that worries me more I havent a clue as to why this particular song was so bad! Id really like to improve it if I can! It was written for film and Im not sure why this song and all of my songs scored so badly......Ive spent hundreds of dollars submitting to Broadjam and hoping that you might be able to tell me where I am going wrong! Would you be kind enough to listen to my song If I Stay ? Thanks for a great site,great community and wonderful opportunities for all of us! Many thanks,Katie
If I Stay Katie, Thanks for your note and please find my thoughts about "If I Stay" below. Very nice piano intro with cello "like" part supporting it. Band swells at 24 seconds and vocal enters at 42 seconds. Beautiful, sweet voice with good phrasing. While the intro is written, arranged and played beautifully, it is 42 seconds long. If it was my song, I would probably cut this in half, maybe more. It's a beautiful piece of music, but really doesn't keep the ear engaged long enough to get to the vocal. The song is probably more suited for a Broadway play, like Funny Girl, or a Vegas Act, like Celine Dion. The intro certainly has a film like feeling to it, but the vocal takes it to another place. Lyrically, "I can see you" and "I can feel you", as opening lines, are not what one would expect in a song of this production caliber. The opening lines do not set up the story or make the listener imagine what is coming. Every songwriter (including me) probably has a song with these lines in them, therefore making the song somewhat irrelevant in the review process. Simple and commonly are very difficult to pull off and I think that is what you may be struggling with here. From a story point, I do not know what/who the singer is "staying" for. Is it a relationship, a family, daughter, son, mom, dad, etc.? We assume it's a relationship, but it's not clear enough in the lyric. This is why it would probably be a great stage song as it feels part of a bigger story, but not the story itself. A good rule in songwriting is to try to make every line a set-up for the hook. I understand it's a daunting task, but it could really help here. The words "I can see you" do not connect at all with the hook, "If I Stay." Maybe the opening line could be something like "I can continue" and therefore connect directly with the hook. With that said, the lyrics in the hook connect nicely with the melody of it. Male vocal enters at 2:20 and is a real nice touch. Love the supporting instruments as well. Very nice arrangement of the orchestral sounds. Clearly this was produced by a talented arranger and producer who has done this many times before. If this was my song, I wouldn't change a thing with the instrumentation, melody or vocal performance. All of this is as good as it gets and kudos to the team who worked on this. If this was one person that did all of these parts, including the recording and mix, they are a genius. Brilliant work. I would leave the hook exactly as-is, but re-think the lyric, especially the parts that have been used in so many other songs. Find a different way to say the same thing. The lyric is not on the same level as the rest of the song. In fact, I believe the brilliant vocal performance and production are carrying the lyric in this song. I hope this helps. I have been a fan of yours for some time now and continue to follow your progress. You are clearly one of the best writers on our site and truly have something special going on. Please keep me posted anytime you upload a new song. Best, Roy PS - Remember that the peer reviews have no influenc e on those who select the songs. Although it's nice to get high peer scores, they are not considered by the providers.
Hi Katie, I know your question wasn't directed at me so I hope you don't mind me commenting. I listened to "If I Stay" and I thought the music was fantastic, the arrangement was fantastic, the singing was fantastic! The production was fantastic! Which kind of sets the listener up for some amazing story and that doesn't happen. Sure! some folks are going to love this; just as it is! But to reach the wider world I agree with Roy. You have a potential classic on your hands! Good luck Katie I'm sure you will go far! PS I thought the singing should come in at around 19 seconds into the intro (for listings at least).
Hi Roy,thank you so much for your amazing review..this is worth more then even placing the song! So much of what you say makes sense,especially the intro and verses...I thought Id tell you the story to see if you think the song might works before I do a re-write...If I stay is being made into a film ( or was,but is now back in pre production)..the story is about.....Mia had everything: a loving family, a gorgeous, adoring boyfriend, and a bright future full of music and full of choices. Then, in an instant, almost all of that is taken from her. Caught between life and death, between a happy past and an unknowable future, Mia spends one critical day contemplating the one decision she has left--the most important decision she'll ever make.......the young girl is also a cellist which is why I used cello to begin.....song is set with the girl talking to her boyfriend whilst in a coma but he cant hear her...hence the words I can See, I can feel you ..... I am so glad I wrote to you because whist the song makes perfect sense to me anyone who hasn't read the book may not get the verses, I didn't think of that....your advice is absolutely invaluable and I really appreciate it!...Im very glad I also have an Instrumental version of this song.....all of the instruments were played live and I was very lucky to have had some of the best musicians here in Australia record for me ..... You are absolutely correct, I wrote the lyrics and score but my producer arranged every instrument and is the creative genius behind my whole album!! My vocalists were amazing on this song and all got on to character!! I will absolutely take your comments on board an go back to rewriting the lyrics so you the audience can understand the story better or maybe just keep it as an instrumental piece or maybe just keep it for the If I Stay movie! ( one can only dream)... Thank you also for the lovely comments on my writing..I have recently uploaded my whole debut album, A Moment In Time... Take care,warm regards,Katie
Hi David, thanks for taking the time to listen to my song....great advice and back to the drawing board with my lyrics! Cheers Katie
Hi Roy, Your review is incredible..I have just sent a rather large comment back to you but not sure if it went through..could you let me know if your received it?? If not I will resend it! Your critique is brilliant !! Cheers Katie
Katie, Got your message and glad I could give some input. Thanks to David for his thoughts as well. It is an awesome piece and with a more defined lyric, I think you have a song that will shine wherever it ends up. Best, Roy
Hello Katie. I agree with what Roy is saying about the lyrics. The instrumentation is great. The opening intro is beautiful. I can personally hear it in a commercial, especially since it is so emotional. I could see it in a post-apocalyptic trailer for a movie or video game. Don't get bent out of shape with the submissions here. It is hard to know exactly what the publishers and music supervisors are looking for from their descriptions. I personally seen an ad looking for light playful electronic music, but a beat-heavy hard hip hop-esque track got considered. Keep plugging away and use all your avenues to get to where you want to be. Broadjam is one of many ways to get your music out there.
Thanks Brandon for taking the time listen to my song! Really good to get some constructive criticism and such lovely feedback too! Glad you like the instrumentation! I've been away from Broadjam for a while so it's really nice to be back! Cheers Katie
Np Katie. Good luck with your ventures!
Hey Roy! Quick question: If I have a song that is sung by a female and I want to submit it for placement for a male singer, would the review process be flexible in regards to gender neutral songs regardless of the singer on my take?
roy when you have a free 3 min 20 secs please have a listen to we always knew
Abandon, If it is a TV submission, then I wouldn't do it. TV is on a tight schedule and they don't re-cut anything. If it is a record submission, then it's ok. With that said, I always recommend that when you are pitching to a particular artist, then create a demo that sounds similar to that artist......Most good producers will know within minutes if the song is right for their artist, but having a similar sound can't hurt.....Hope this helps, Roy
okaay.....did you like the song? was all i was asking sir
Gary, My apologies for not getting to your song right away. I get many requests through email, Facebook, Linkedin, on this comment page and other sources. I review all songs in the order I receive the request. Here is my review of We Always Knew This song is about a lifelong relationship between the singer and a friend. I like the concept of the song and believe it's sellable. The hook, "We Always Knew", is a good one and really lends itself to some good supporting lyrics. While it is clear the writer is describing the life of two different people, I am not sure that the lyrical content is as strong as the concept. Along with the concept, another strong point is that it could be sung by a man or a woman. And it may work better with a female singing the demo as well. Here are some more specific thoughts: The song is very literal, which is sellable in today's country market. But the forced lyrics are what is holding this song back. "Then we played house, all of that summer, and doctors too, and it wasn't wrong." If this was my tune, I would lose "all of that summer" and "it wasn't wrong." They both sound as if they are filler/forced lyrics and the line would be more effective at this tempo if it was "Then we played house and doctors too....(new line here)" Or maybe leave all of the lines "We played house and doctors too, all of that summer and it wasn't wrong." I still don't think the second one works, but it flows a little better if you decide to keep the same words. Conceptually, the song is on the right path, but I am not sure my suggestions are enough. You might want to find a co-writer who has written a lot of country songs to help out. In country music, every word counts. Every single word in the song is related to the hook. "It wasn't wrong" is suggesting that the relationship is being justified and that's not what the song is about. So it's probably a filler line. Maybe instead of "it wasn't wrong", you use something like "creating our bond" which reinforces the "We Always Knew" hook. Note: I have only focused on the first verse and could provide more input for the second as well. However, I'm not sure that is necessary as my point is really the same for general lyrical content. From a production perspective. I would experiment with increasing the tempo of this song or replace the singer. Although the singer has passion and great tone in his voice, the phrasing really hurts this song. The notes are shortened at the end of each phrase and there are very few "ballad" like moments where the singer shines. In the past, many country songs were of this style, but not in the last 30 years. So I would either find a singer who can belt out a ballad and sell the song or increase the tempo so it better fits the vocal style of the current singer. I would recommend the writer listening to Josh Turner, Scottie McCreary, etc. as this is the type of song that may fit them and give the writer a better feel for todays' country market. Overall: You have a great concept here, but it needs a re-write on the lyrics, especially in the verses. My recommendation is to re-write the lyric without any music. Write it as a poem. Examine every word and ask the question, "Does it support the hook?" If it holds up as poetry, you probably have a great song. I hope this helps. Thanks for being a member. Roy
thanks Roy hey you might enjoy my song "THE AMERICAN WAY" and the youtube vid GARY SPARKS-THE AMERICAN WAY..please tell me if it is marketable. YOU ROCK !
Review of American Way: This song is a song about being an American soldier and his wife who are going through tough times being comforted by Johnny Cash. Lead guitar playing at 2:50 is excellent. Very tasteful and definitely the strongest part of the song. Structurally, the song is slightly over 3:30 and is an AB - AB - format. From a marketability perspective, the production needs a lot of work and is not ready for prime time. Before I comment on that, the main barrier this song will face is that every country artist for the past 20 years has cut so many patriotic type songs. And because of the volume of these types of songs it has to knock your socks off lyrically or it will be very difficult to get it cut. My guess is that if a producer was considering this song, they would definitely re-write. Although you can hear the passion in the vocalist, his delivery is short, cut off and simply doesn't deliver the potential power of a song like this. It's a rich bass voice, but the delivery sounds as if he was talking through most of the song. If the melodic delivery had the quality of conviction with which he sings, this would be a whole different ball game. The listener does not walk away from this humming any melody and therefore will not remember the words. I think the theme will be remembered, but the lyrics won't. I apologize for being so harsh, but a different vocalist with the same passion could take this to a new level. Or find a coach for this singer to help with the phrasing. The mix sounds like there was a tremolo effect (volume modulation) or a low frequency oscillator applied to the entire band. Meaning the volume was slightly ebbing and flowing throughout the song for the entire band. It is real noticeable during the guitar solo and after. This should be re-mixed. Overall, I think the writer and singer are passionate and are on the right track. The idea is there, but the song needs more dedicated writing time. The production, especially the mix, should be re-done. One last note: You have developed a couple of good concepts for songs. However, the vocal performance needs work. In both songs, it's short and cut-off and almost as if the singer is talking. If these were my songs, I would experiment with other singers or get a coach in the studio to work on phrasing. If you do, I think you will see your songs in a different light. Hope this helps. Roy
Gary. Thanks for the review of " Still we carry on " I appreciate you taking the time. Thomas.
http://youtu.be/qk2EZ1C4DU0 1