Song Description

Light-hearted song about dealing with today's contraptions

Lyrics

I'm Too Stupid to Watch TV [Joe Kretschmer, Feb. 2008]

Came home from work, took off my coat
Sat down on the couch, grabbed the remote
Fifty-seven buttons stared back at me
And there?s a whole different set for the DVD
Pause, fast-forward, and pay-per-view
One thousand channels what am I gonna do?

[1st chorus]
I'm too stupid to watch TV
It's much too complicated for me.
I got a master's and a bachelor's and a Ph.D.,
But I'm too stupid to watch TV.

Well, the last time I went to the grocery store
I couldn?t find prices on the stuff any more
Everything?s marked with vertical bars
Boxes, bags, cans and jars
Can?t get the sale price without a special card
I never thought it would be this hard!

[2nd chorus]
?Cause I?m too stupid to shop at the store
They won?t let me in there any more
Can?t read the bar codes; find the automatic door
?Cause I?m too stupid to shop at the store.

Now everywhere across this land
People walk around talkin? to their hands
You can?t find a pay phone anymore
So I went on down to the cell phone store
What I discovered really made me burn
I got a whole new set of buttons to learn!

[3rd chorus]
?Cause I?m too stupid to talk on the phone
Everybody just leaves me alone
Can?t send a text message; don?t have a ringtone
?Cause I?m too stupid to talk on the phone.

[final verse]
Well, it?s finally happened?I?ve lived too long
Might as well put an end to this song
Can?t shop or phone or watch TV
So if it?s all the same to me
I?ll just party like it?s 1963.