Lyrics

Daddy loves mommy and mommy loves Jesus.
So God bless mommy and hope He don?t freeze us.
If the weather turns hot, well, then that?ll be okay,
cause mommy says God don?t need our help that way,
since He auctioned off the weather when He launched e-Bay.

God took poor Auntie Ruth after the football game,
when a bunch of boys tried to put her in shame.
And it really was a shame when her lottery ticket came in.
Mommy called it compound interest on the wages of sin?
another sad commentary on the wages of sin.

Has there ever been another bunch as dumb as us?
Like, if God had to hide so much oil under the crust,
why did he put so much under the A-rabs? land?
Mommy says maybe just to prove to us He can...
probably part of some miraculous, mysterious plan.

So if God makes it cold this winter, we hope He don?t freeze us.
And if He sends us all to hell, we hope He?s got a good reason.
His ways are legion and He has a mighty stride.
Mommy says it?s handy in heaven when they make the wine.
And she bets the cheese tastings at seven are just sublime.

Mommy took Jesus to the SuperBowl
when Janet Jackson?s costume made its halftime show.
Ma told me she was sure she?d be visiting hell that day,
but said Jesus just chuckled about it all game,
said sin ain?t about the boob; it?s about the brain.

Mommy loves daddy and daddy loves fly fishin?.
But when we rented us a cabin, mommy turned it into a mission.
Daddy didn?t look happy, but said it?d be all right,
as long as Jesus slept out in the car that night.
(And uncreated every traffic ticket Daddy'd ever tried to fight.)

Daddy loves mommy and mommy loves Jesus.
So daddy lets mommy do what the hell she pleases.
Besides daddy?s got another mommy, way across town.
That?s why hie has to work so much when the sun goes down.
And he usually don?t make it home till mommy ain?t around.

Mommy loves daddy, daddy loves Tastee-Freezes.
That?s where we stop for lunch when we go see Jesus.
But mommy says Jesus don?t like Tastee-Freezes that well.
Maybe it reminds him of the junk food that they serve in hell.
(Or maybe He just prefers the food over at the Taco Bell.)