Story Behind The Song

When making my album 'Love & Let Go' based on my journey losing my son, I felt it was really important to also represent the male (father's) perspective of the grief. I would like to thank my husband Ben, who had to dive back into some pretty dark places in order for this song to come about. Jas Lall is the male lyricist in this track; originally from London, but in Australia working and travelling. I first met Jas at an Open Mic Night at The Desire Book Shop, in Manly. The idea for this joint song came to me as soon as I heard his style and his capability to so eloquently and emotionally convey a story to music. After he agreed to work with me, I got to work on the piano coming up with the framework for the song and the chorus. I then introduced Jas to my husband, who had written up some keywords about the kinds of thoughts and feelings he had had around the time of our son's death. I gave Jas a rough recording of the piano, with the chorus and left him to it! I cannot take any credit for the lyrics sung by Jas- they were all written by him and inspired by Ben. The main idea behind this song, was to capture how a Mother and Father (or two separate parents) grieve differently. My husband has lost both of his parents and up until this time, I always felt like I could help carry him in some way. However, when our son died it was the first time I realised that I could only take of myself and that he had to take care of himself. We were walking the same path together, grieving the same person, whom we loved and missed so dearly. Yet we were also on very different paths, with very different needs in terms of how to explore our grief. It was important that we honoured our own needs at this time; putting ourselves first with no expectations from each other.

Lyrics

Verse 1:
I can't cope, I'm not strong, I'm feeling lost, in my own home.
I'm surrounded by many, but I still feel alone, this burden's so heavy, it pushes me low.
Daunting and scary, it continues grow, not supportive I'm wary, I'm losing all hope.
Together we're trying, to separately cope, individually crying, when no one's at home.

Pre Chorus:
Whenever I'm smiling, it's just for show, it's like I'm trying, to hide what I know.
Inside I'm crying, I'm emotionally broke, my feelings I'm fighting but can't let them go.
Got to let go in time,
Motivation has gone, I now simply exist, self-pity is something, I cannot resist.
Every image of you, will sadly be missed, when you left us two, you left us in bits.
You were a gift of mine.

Chorus:
Here we both stand, crying together
I need to be a strong man, but I don't know if I can, clench both fists to steady my hands.
But here in we walk a different path from each other
But where does it lead, it's hard to perceive, I'm not here for you, while I continue to grieve.
I will honour you
You will honour me,
You will honour me
and I will honour you
We will honour him, beautifully.
But I can't carry you
It's so hard,
And you can't carry me
and so dark,
So let's be in this,
Together-Separately.
Together separately.

Verse:
These memories of you, are playing on a loop, they haunt me at night, when dreaming of you.
The man I once was is nearly completely lost, but your mother pulled me back, she's my rock.
But at first we dealt with it on our own, when I shed tears I shed them only alone.
Your mum wants to express while I try to suppress, these thoughts that I have but they freely roam my head.
They drag me down to the lowest I've been, to the darkest place that not everyone has seen.
The pain we've both felt we wouldn't wish on anyone, a grievous unjust no parents should bury their son.

Pre Chorus:
I can't believe, that you've gone before me, I thought I would grow old, before you fell asleep.
Visions of you, becoming a man, with my head held high while I proudly stand.
We'll get through this my friend
Skating by the beach with your board underarm, worried about these girls, causing you any harm.
Your mother and I, have struggled for a while, with sleepless nights, longing for our child.
We'll make it to the end

Chorus:

Bridge:
Can't comprehend the extent of this event.
Such a short time together we had spent.
Shock, horror, heart-beat racing, time stands still.
Yet together here we stand trying to find the will to survive.

Chorus:

Outro:
I will honour you, you will honour me, we will honour him beautifully.
But I can't carry you
It's so hard,
And you can't carry me
And so dark.
So let's be in this,
Together-Separately
Together-Separately.