Story Behind The Song

I was hurt because I let the green-eyed monster get the better of me in my relationship with my girlfriend. I was angry with her but it was only because I am so insecure and I tried to deflect and make it seem like it was her fault. But upon introspection, it was all me...and the enemy.

Lyrics

I never thought that I would be the one to end up
With insecure thoughts circling around in my head just
Making me think irrationally and talking crazy
Lookin at what other people got and hatin on 'em because it ain't me.
Damn, I used to have so much security and confidence.
The green-eyed monster is winning the battle and I thought I could conquer it.
Self-doubt began ruling me, now I'm easily offended
So, when my ego is expelled, self-esteem is suspended.
I was schooled by the enemy.
How the hell did I let him get to me?
Is it unholy weaponry?
Maybe, mental telepathy?
Always talking to me and I know I shouldn't be listening
But, I keep leaving the door open and he is always visiting.
And, I know he'll never give up so, I gotta keep my spirit up
by praying that this weight I will no longer have to lift up.
'Cause it's torture...slowly.
Feeling so ill and lonely
Please, seize it, Jesus, I do not want it to control me!
(Hook 2X)
(Jealousy is a demon that will eventually end up killing you
from the inside 'cause too much pride is overfilling you.
It's a manifestation of insecurities
And I should be the poster boy with my mental impurities)
I catch myself thinking about who she might find attractive
Athletes, entertainers, TV, and movie actors.
It can even be a random person walking down the street
I'm watching her seeing if she's looking at him trying to be discreet.
We can't even watch a TV show, something so basic!
But if a guy's on the screen sometimes I think she's picturing him naked.
I hate this!
It'll never amount to anything at all,
except cracking the foundation of our relationship causing it to fall.
Can't even have a normal conversation, too many eggshells,
always holding her breath around me because she is scared to exhale.
It's killing me inside 'cause I know the devil is a lie
But I was listening to him tell me that I wasn't the apple of her eye.
See, it shouldn't really matter if she thinks someone else looks good.
If she leaves me for him because of that, then my beef is understood.
But, that has never been the case, jealousy should have no place
She keeps us glued together but my envy is scraping off the paste.
(Hook)
I'm praying for the day this demon will no longer cause hurt.
Will there ever be a consistent level of comfort?
She does things to try to help maintain my dignity
But when I shoot down her efforts I realize it is shitty of me.
So, I'm sincerely asking the deity known as G-O-D
to infinitely desist the enemy's reign of tyranny.
And, to my lady, I hope and pray she don't end up leaving me.
'cause I'll go crazy everyday knowing I pushed her away
Evil Never Values You...E.N.V.Y.
(Hook)