Story Behind The Song

The music comes from a number of places. I like the opening chord, and most of the song is built around that sound. It is actually related to the opening chord of "My Purpose" and of some chords in another song we left off, a song called "The Hoyden." The other important idea for constructing this song was hearing how the meaning of a verb changed slightly when first used transitively then intransitively. Two other points: I originally wrote: "Hope is bitter, grief is worse." But it's oh, so much better the other way. And, isn't Ray's flugelhorn solo great? Jean said, "That makes the piece," and I agree.

Song Description

In this song a lover expresses his frustration, and shows his attitude towards the loved. He says he's going to stick it out "until."

Lyrics

He's luke warm,
she's as cold as ice
Did we make a mistake
when we ignored that advise?

Now many winters on
at last I am through
Standing on the other side
I can really see you

But I can't want you
I can't need you
I can't love you
It is not allowed
They say it's not allowed

My dreams were compromised
by reality
No one in the world could be
the girl I imagined
So for years I thought
this is as good as it gets
Then there you are again
my dream in the flesh

But I can't want you
I can't need you
I can't love you
It is not allowed
I hear it's not allowed

Grief is bitter
hope is worse
My heart is unprotected
a self-inflicted curse

So I'll just smile and lie
pretend and say that it's OK
You go and do what's right
but my feelings stay

And so I want
and I need
and I love
and I know
and I'll be here
until it is allowed