Song Description

Originally written in the nineties about an S&L pirate, this song was updated in 2025 about an embezzler from a crypto exchange. Some things never change.

Lyrics

WHERE'S THE MONEY?
I had so many babes in the twenties,
They were a luxury I could afford.
I used to keep them a while if I liked their style,
Buy a new one if I got bored.
It's the kiss of the money, honey,
Makes a prince from a two-bit toad.
It was magic you see, I was royalty,
They all came for cash, and baby I had a load.
Your penthouse or mine? They were standing in line,
But they all had only one thing in mind:

Where's the money? (Where's the money?)
Where's the cash? (Where's the money?)
Give it up, honey, (Where's the money?)
It's gone in a flash.

I used to love my financial advisor,
She had a good head for figures and more.
You know she looked so cute, in her business suit,
We would dance every morning 'til four.
She said "I love you forever and ever,
For as long as you're making it rain."
So I bought her a choice of expensive toys,
Like a boat and a jet, and a crypto exchange.
I was out of control when she wanted to play,
And the girl had only one thing to say:
(REPEAT CHORUS)

Take a little bit here-- I'll buy what she needs,
Take a little bit there-- I'm starting to bleed.
Take a little bit more-- From the crypto exchange,
But is she gonna love me when it's all down the drain?

I was over my head when she dumped me,
Once she left, it was never the same.
Then she testified for the FBI,
She said I looted the crypto exchange.
Now it's federal prison,
Yes I'm doing the time of my life.
I remember the day when she gave me away,
I was stabbed in the back, then she twisted the knife.
She winked at the judge, like she wanted to play,
And the judge had only one thing to say:
(REPEAT CHORUS)