Story Behind The Song

"Civil War" is a song about ending the battle against yourself. While inspired by my own experiences with identity, shame, self-acceptance, and learning to embrace instead of fighting parts of myself, I intentionally wrote the song in a way that could speak to anyone carrying an internal conflict. To me, the title refers to the wars we fight within our own hearts when we reject parts of ourselves, whether because of fear, expectations, religion, family pressure, or simply feeling different and being afraid of living in exile. Whether someone hears this song through the lens of sexuality, faith, mental health, self-discovery, or another personal struggle, my hope is that it reminds them that no one can live with a civil war inside of them forever.

Song Description

The lyric "I cannot win if I continue fighting him" refers to the self. I imagine the song as a conversation with my younger self, as well as with anyone who is still fighting their own civil war. The realization at the heart of the song is that peace does not come from defeating yourself... it comes from learning to love yourself. The chorus line, "I raised my white flag and the sky made it a rainbow," symbolizes surrendering self-hatred and discovering that what we were fighting may have been part of our nature all along... something that was never meant to be our enemy. The outro references the original meanings associated with the six colors of the Pride flag: Red=Life Orange=Healing Yellow=Sunlight/Understanding Green=Nature Blue=Serenity/Peace Violet=Spirit

Lyrics

[Verse 1]
I built my walls from shame and fear
Thought if I fought hard enough they'd disappear
But every battle left another scar
Turns out the enemy is never who we are

[Chorus]
No one can live with a civil war inside of them
I cannot win if I continue fighting him
The day I loved myself was the day I became able
I raised my White flag and the sky made it a rainbow
After the rain (whoa)

[Verse 2]
I'm not for everybody, I don't need to be
Those who stick around will get all the love in me
I thought burying myself was how I'd find my reward
Turns out surrender is when I feel the love more

[Chorus]
No one can live with a civil war inside of them
I cannot win if I continue fighting him
The day I loved myself was the day I became able
I raised my White flag and the sky made it a rainbow
(After the rain)

[Outro]
Red for the life that you deserve to live
Orange for the healing that I hope you get
Yellow for the sunlight to shine on your mind
Green for the nature that's within you and I
Blue for serenity, so you can have peace
And violet for the spirit that you can release