Story Behind The Song

Through subtle guidance and no reservation in financial expense, my parents ensured I achieved academic excellence. It was now my turn to show them how much I have loved them for loving me. Before I could even start, my strong ex-combatant soldier father suddenly died leaving me and my highly devastated ageing mother to struggle with our loss of beloved father and husband. Me and Mama were just managing to cope with the pains. Next I know my mother died as unexpectedly as my father, right there in my presence. This just broke the camel's back. All I wanted was to die; to follow my mother immediately. I emaciated from my size 16-18 to a mere 12 within the following three weeks. I developed this overwhelming feeling of emptiness. Nothing had any meaning any more. Three years on I was still crying ceaselessly and experiencing all sorts of ill-health as a result. I was often talking to my mother and sometime felt her reassuring presence around me. One day I was starting to cook in the kitchen and was again crying and speaking to my mother, when suddenly a tiny voice was whispering in me to "put these things you are telling her in writing". I stopped my sob. Within hours I started penning my thoughts and soliloquy about her. This is how I developed this song. My enormous sense of loss of my parents, especially the last of them - mother, just doesn't lessen. It flares up every now and then and the crying doesn't end.

Song Description

This song highlights the close, loving family relationship between a daughter and both her father and mother. It hints at their unequivocal cherish of her. In time, the parents' respective sudden demise left a staggering vacuum in the daughter which she could not face. Then with mixed feelings the daughter found strength in her parents' words of wisdom prior to their deaths and lived on still loving them more than ever.

Lyrics

LOVING YOU SO MUCH

I'm missing you so much, would you ever know it.
You were my entire world.
With you I lived in a cocoon, and should have given you everything I owned to show my love.

Many times I did you wrong.
Time and time again, yea, I did you wrong;
without ever meaning to at all.
Sometimes I was the reason for your worry.
Oh yes, I was the reason for your worry.
But your love for me remained undiluted.

When I saw you leave
I knew I will find it hard; yea, really hard to carry on.
I felt like running after you,
because my strong shield had walked;
because my strong shield had walked.

But remembering some of your sayings;
I realized, yes I realized, I had to stay strong.
I had to raise another cocoon for myself;
from where to keep on loving you.

You were the really,
Oh yes, you were the really, truly love;
the love I still feel each day.
If I could get you back to me,
loving you so much, is all I will ever want to do;
it's all I will ever want to do.